Multi tasking is not for everybody

This, my friends, is what happens when you're talking to your sister on the phone while you're making chocolate chip bar cookies and congratulating yourself on how well you're following the conversation while running a giant mixer and then forty minutes later you pull a brick out of the oven and think, what the hell just happened?

I'll tell you what happened. I forgot to put the fooking flour in the batter. And you know what? It didn't even make good ice cream topping. Nope. I had to throw it all out. Of course, I waited a few days, because it was Ghiradelli chocolate, after all. Dammit. I'm still mad.

Green, but not with envy

After watching yet another neglected head of broccoli wilt and die in my fridge I was determined to do something special with the next one. Well, what I did was special, just not quite in the way I had anticipated.

I'd been eyeing a recipe for broccoli cheddar soup but when the time rolled around I hesitated; broccoli soup is so common, why not try something different? I found an interesting combination; Broccoli and Arugula on one of my favorite food blogs, but I must've missed a step somewhere because, the final product left a lot to be desired.

Imagine you're on a liquid diet, but you love salad so you put your lettuce in the blender. This soup is that compromise, only way less delicious because there's no dressing or carrots or peppers or anything that's usually in a salad to make it taste good. The texture is mealy and gritty and fibrous and basically, it tastes like grass. Ugh, I mean, there's a possibility that I waited too long to use the broccoli again, and I'll admit I thought something was up when, 45 minutes over the approximated cooking time, the broccoli still wasn't tender. But the more I look at the recipe the more I think it really was doomed from the get-go. No cheese? No cream? It's like eating grass clipping mulch.

It turns out there's a reason the only broccoli soup you ever see has tons of cheddar cheese in it. And unfortunately, even a large amount of cheese couldn't save this. As per my mother's advice; it's been permanently voted out of the refrigerator.

It'll Make a Turd (3 pounder).

Definitely. This is the result of an attempt at making a topping for ice-cream.
What you can't see from this picture is that there were SEVERAL plastic containers full of this stuff.
Turns out the gelatinous goo (made with marshmallows, chocolate and more chocolate) is just that; gelatinous, gooey and little else. But, and most importantly, it'll make a turd.
Anna still has a hope that she can revive it and make fudge, somehow. If we do keep the thing (it's in the freezer now) we might wait until spring, fashion lumps to look like boats and put sails on them.
But that's just a reach.

Joe

Starch chemistry 101

I enjoyed these so much, I felt the need to share my own latest kitchen blunder. Nobody in their right mind would think that you can add rice to a watery casserole halfway through cooking - but there's a reason I shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen without a recipe. When it was supposed to be done, the recently added rice was still crunchy. After it'd cooked long enough for the new rice to be soft, the old rice had pretty much dissolved into a starchy paste.

Is it disqualified for the site when it's completely inedible? The chicken bits weren't even worth salvaging, since the water drained them of all flavor, and the overcooking made them litttle nuggets o rubber. Shoulda gotten me that EZ Bake Oven, mom.

What's a Toast Cup Without Garlic? Crap.

Toast cups. SOS. Creamed chipped beef on toast. Whatever you want to call it.
You MUST use garlic butter. Really. If you don't you are in for some disappointment. I found out last night that's what make Toast Cups taste good. Without it, it's just milk with flour in it. Bleah.
I thought I'd show Jim a little deference, seeing as how he is not a big fan of garlic (if only I'd known this before we'd hooked up), so I left out what is actually a KEY ingredient in making Toast Cups. There is no way around it, you have to have garlic butter, otherwise all you're doing is chewing, there's no flavor. I even attempted to put two teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce in it. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Garlic in Toast Cups is right up there with putting a dab of bacon grease in raisin cookies. It's gotta be in there. If not, you're mouth is let down. Nothing is worse than getting ready for a taste you associate with a certain food and then after you take a mouthful you're going "Wha??"
You're so stunned by the turnaround of events you can't even put the final consonant on the question.
So damn the pansy-asses! Put that garlic where it belongs!

Well bloody hell,

Not only do you have the WRONG recipe for Tuna Spaghetti, but you can't even see it, for cripe sakes, no wonder it curdled.
Yes, people, if you want the real version, let me know. Betty Crocker did her own cooking when they printed up my book. She didn't have any minions. Besides, Marie's version was probably printed on a Monday or Friday, that's why they left out crucial information. They were either too hung over from the weekend or in a hurry to leave work. Amateurs.

The OFFICIAL tuna spaghetti recipe (Mary is full of it)

This is the real tuna spaghetti recipe. Mary says she's got one that used red wine and regular milk, but that's just wrong. It's got to have half and half in it, or it's some other "pasta" dish. Not tuna spaghetti. Everybody knows that.